Ambushed By God: Finding the Freedom to Embrace My Dark Side
by Nicole Yorke
I’d tried religion, and it hadn’t worked out so well for me. I yearned for more success. For love, for purpose, for popularity. And I wanted those things now.
Of course, I had a secret—a whole dark side full of secrets—that I kept hidden from my friends, my pastors, myself, even from God. Because I knew that what was in that dark chasm would make me unlovable to anyone who saw it. Beneath my smiling optimism lay anger, hate, doubt, rejection, shame, fear, low self-esteem, shredded confidence, and more.
Sometimes I glimpsed a hint of a better self in the mirror: an innocent girl’s eyes staring back at mine. She was beautiful. And I began to realize that all that darkness I’d held inside, that I thought I’d safely stowed away, was killing her.
I found myself at the beginning of a journey, an awakening different than anything that had gone before. I didn’t want to face my dark side and the pain I knew it would bring me. I fought until I could fight no more.
And when I thought it was over for me, Love found me and empowered me to embrace and release the dark memories and experiences I had buried deep within myself for over forty years. For the first time in my life, I discovered the joy of true freedom.
This is my story: the story of how I tried to deny and hide the dark side I was so ashamed of, and the story of how I found myself—and God—when I finally turned to face it.
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